Congrats on surviving Ebola, but can you survive 3 months without sex?
Let’s say you’re a healthcare worker who wanted to do your share in war on Ebola. You left your country and family behind and flew to West Africa to share your skills and knowledge with those most in need of it. You risked your life working in overcrowded, makeshift clinics that could be raided and looted when you least expected it by parties of angry locals who actually believed you were spreading the Ebola virus rather than help contain it. In spite of following all safety protocols and wearing personal protective equipment, the thing you dreaded the most happened; you became infected with Ebola.
You tethered between life and death in one of those very clinics you knew from personal experience were understaffed and underequipped. Finally you get the good news: they’re going to fly you back home and take you to a state-of-the-art medical facility where you will receive top-notch care. Of course you will have to be isolated in a special bio-containment unit; that means you won’t have much contact with anyone other than doctors and nurses – you know, your fellow health workers. That’s okay; your family will know you’re being taken care of, and at least you’ll talk to your wife on the phone or via videoconference.
In time, after giving you experimental, unproven drugs as well as the blood of Ebola survivors, you beat this thing. The hospital discharges you and the CDC itself declares you Ebola-free. You’re hailed as a hero, you give interviews on TV, and your picture is in all the papers. And what’s your reward? “Men who have recovered from Ebola virus disease should be aware that seminal fluid may be infectious for as long as three months after onset of symptoms,” the World Health Organization said in a statement. “Because of the potential to transmit the virus sexually during this time, they should maintain good personal hygiene after masturbation, and either abstain from sex (including oral sex) for three months after onset of symptoms, or use condoms if abstinence is not possible.”
That’s right, the virus lives on in your semen for at least 3 months. The sexual transmission of Ebola has not been studied, but better safe than sorry, right? The bad news is that after months in a foreign country and weeks in isolation, you won’t be able to get it on with your wife, even though you are cured. Moreover, you believe condoms are for single men; the day you and your wife got engaged you said goodbye to the condom forever. No problem; you’re a sexual camel, you can do three months standing on your head. But what about your wife? It can be hard on her, but fortunately there is a variety of sexual aids that can keep her satisfied during your period of abstinence. And once you’re back on the saddle again, you could even integrate these products into your sex life as well.