Massachusetts infant dies a lousy death
An 18-month old girl suffocated to death in Springfield, Mass. after a plastic shopping bag was placed over her mayonnaise-covered head as a home-made remedy for head lice. The Massachusetts Department of Public Health actually does list mayonnaise as a treatment, though it warns that there is not enough data to support its effectiveness. Furthermore, a 2014 study found that the majority of head lice in North America have a gene mutation that endows them with resistance to over-the-counter treatments. Still, you’d think they would have given solvarome a chance first. Even more inexplicable, another child in the household also had lice, but in that case the family adopted the more pragmatic approach of shaving his head.
Springfield police officers – not Chief Wiggum plus Eddie and Lou – who responded to reports of a child not breathing in a city home found the girl with her scalp covered in white stuff, like some sort of especially perverse bukkake scene, and an adult performing CPR on her – to no avail, as medical staff said that the infant had expired a while before. It appears that the toddler was put to bed on the Friday night of January 30th and left unattended, only to wake up dead on Saturday morning after choking on the pale condiment as the bag slowly but surely plodded down over her face, snail-like in pace but deadly like a cobra slithering toward a victim. “This is a very sad incident,” Sergeant John Delaney said.
Delaney and Hampden County District Attorney Anthony D. Gulluni said that the case is being investigated by Springfield police detectives but no charges have been filed. Additionally, the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families (DFC) is conducting a separate investigation, though in full cooperation with the police department. Queries are usually finished within 15 business days of the agency being notified. DFC director of public information Cayenne Isaksen could not comment on the number of children in the household. Any living children have been removed from the home and placed in the care of a relative, and not taken into custody by the DFC.