Tribute to the late inventor of the birth control pill

birth control pill

Carl Djerassi, the Austrian-born American chemist who helped create the birth control pill, died on January 30th at the ripe old age of 91. In his honor, think about him the next time you and your lady are enjoying a glass of fine wine, with the lights down low, maybe some Marvin Gaye in the background, and you know this is it, she’s the one, you even suggested using toys and she didn’t think you were some kind of a freak, so tonight’s the night, you’re going all the way, and then bam! It hits you; you forgot to buy condoms. But she says it’s cool; she’s on the pill. Next thing you know, yada yada sex.

Thanks to Mr. Djerassi and his Mexican buddies Luis E. Miramontes and George Rosenkranz (the three amigos?) you can get to savor the joys of childless sex since 1951, so I want you to picture his white bearded face him next time you’re getting in it on. In fact, have your lover cry out his name in ecstasy when she reaches climax – come on, it’s the very least you can do for him. The man was a saint and should be canonized. Not only did he understand that sex and reproduction should be separate processes – or to paraphrase Nickelback, sex is never a question, sex is the answer and the answer is always yes – but he almost single-handedly set the sexual revolution in motion.

In addition to giving women the ability to be in control of their sexual lives, Djerassi’s pill has prevented millions of babies through the decades from being born into a world that is not only severely overpopulated, but it’s also a world that has allowed such atrocities such as War, Religion, Rape, Murder, and the last ten seasons of The Simpsons. Believe you me, all of those unborn babies are better off. In my humble opinion the best way to pay tribute to this unsung hero of consequence-free sex – besides closing your eyes and superimposing his Anthony Hopkins-looking face over that of your wife/girlfriend/one night stand – is to make the contraceptive pill mandatory for all women of consensual age.

Djerassi, however, was more than just a patron of free love. He was also a patron of the arts and an artist himself, having written and published several novels and plays. Moreover, he converted his ranch into a haven for artists, created his own artist colony – the Djerassi Artists Residency – and donated his collection of Paul Klee paintings to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and to the Albertina in Vienna. He also allowed you to keep your rec room, continue driving a sports car instead of a van, spared you from thousands of little league games, and saved you all the money you would have spent feeding, clothing, and putting one or more kids through college. He may have even saved you from being one of the parties involved in a shotgun wedding.

PS. Remember that the pill does not prevent sexually transmitted infections, so, you know, keep that in mind.